on being wrecked.

My life is wrecked.
It. Is.  W r e c k e d.

wreck [rek]

noun

1. any building, structure, or thing reduced to a state of ruin.

2. the ruin or destruction of a vessel in the course of navigation.

3. a vessel in a state of ruin from disaster at sea, on rocks, etc.

I am a structure reduced to a state of ruin--a physical destruction, the state of disintegrating and being destroyed.  I am wrecked by a love that would call for every good and every bad thing to kneel before its glory.  I am ruined.  I am wrecked.

 

I am a vessel in the course of my own navigation, attempting to understand God and His heart, His will, His being.  I am now a broken vessel.  I sit on the wheel of the potter.  Broken.  Destroyed.  Ruined.  Wrecked.

 

I have felt my imperfections.  I memorized the pangs of my youth.  I've learned where the cracklings in my vessel rested.  I've even learned how to tip over, ever so gently, so that nothing would expose the imperfections.  I have felt every failed attempt.  Every missed moment.  Every what if.  Every "I'm not good enough" moment.  Every judgemental remark.  Every sinful act.  I have felt every imperfection of this vessel.

 

I continued on my merry way, hoping others would not see what I see.

 

But behold, He shined a light upon me! "Oh, I must clean this off of you," He whispered.

 

Did He see it?

How could He?

 

I've done so well in my hiding... in my masking.

 

How could He? 

 

In fact, how could He not? 

 

For His hands are the syllables of love itself.  His rhythm is that of the ocean's calm and rage; it moves with such an incomprehensible power and of a wild passion.  It sets to motion everything to its rightful place.  And yet, He doesn't see it as my imperfections... He sees only a need... a need for His nurturing, a desire to be met by His handling.

 

So I'm wrecked--on this Potter's wheel.

 

He is rubbing off the imperfections of my pride, lust, hatred, unforgiveness, shame, frustrations, and my hurt.  He smoothes my heart, my being, my soul... this vessel. He works in me to perfect me, only because He loves me and wants nothing but the best; and that best is to be found as His beloved, securely in His hands.

 

 

Do you not see that we are all made to be wrecked by the love of God?

 

When we pray it is not for our own sake of mumbling, hopeful wishing, or pleaing of our desires to be met.   When we pray and lament before this God, our King and Lord, it is to bring everything into perspective. 

 

We are nothing without Him. 

 

He is the Sovereign One. So when we pray, it's so that we are found again and again and again, found as His beloved secure in His hands.

 

This state of ruin, it's one that is hard to submit to.   It calls to more than dying to yourself.   It's a state that causes for us to say with boldness and humility, "I am ready to be found. Here I am, Lord. Make me."   It removes all of our agendas.  This state of being wrecked--it changes the course we've been on.

 

These borrowed words from my friend Sarah B. Dunnings puts it best: "We find God when we establish who He is, not who we are; only then do we worship in truth, and only then do we also understand who we are."

 

He is the Maker. He is the Lover. He is the Life-sustainer. 

He is the Great I Am. He is the Treasure that we seek. 

He is the Fulfillment of the Law. He is the Grace we need. 

He is the Hope we find. He is Rush we feel when our hearts are moved. 

He is Compassion. He is Forever. He is the Real Deal. He is Solid.

He is Whole. He is Perfect. He is the Potter. He is the Author. 

He is the Finisher. He is God.

 

And when my vessel--albeit my heart, my soul, my body or all three--bows at the sound of His name (even if it one I hear in my head), I surrender.  I surrender in a wrecked state.   I surrender in my absolute awe. 

 

I fall to my knees because even the fibers and molecules of my makeup feel and acknoweldge His sovereignty. I am compelled and moved to surrender, to worship, to pray, to utter with all that I am,

 

"Have your way... even in my breaking.

Here I am.  I want nothing more than You."

 

In which we will always find the King responds to us, "Beloved, I am Yours.  I love you." 

 

It's okay to be broken.

 

It's okay to be walking it out.  It's okay to not have it all worked out yet.  It's okay to be wrecked of everything you've planned.  Find yourself in the Lover's hands, the Potter's hands.

 

Surely, He makes a path through mighty waters.  He is God... and we are His.